Big Jake

•April 18, 2014 • 2 Comments
My first turkey — taken in the beautiful foothills of Sonoma, California.

My first turkey — taken in the beautiful foothills of Sonoma, California.

 

 

I killed an oxymoron this morning.

The young male turkey, or “Jake” as he’s known in turkey parlance, was at the head of a gang of five, walking cautiously along a fence line as he craned his neck to eyeball our decoys. At 36 yards I pulled the trigger, and the borrowed 870, tricked out for just such a bird and moment, dropped him with finality. It was only around 10:30am but we’d been at it since dawn. He felt heavy when I hoisted him up, about 16 pounds. More accustomed to holding a duck in my hand, he was huge by comparison. So I decided to call him Big Jake.

Of course, veteran turkey hunters will laugh and say there’s no such thing as a big Jake; that only a fully mature male – known as a gobbler or Tom – can be deemed big.  But if a TV show can call itself the Walking Dead, I feel just fine about his moniker.

I mean, there are Jumbo Shrimp, aren’t there?

I hadn’t intended to take an immature bird. Leading up to the hunt, the daydreams had featured a real monster, red waddled, beard dragging. We certainly heard several around dawn, hefty gobbles in response to guide Greg Smith’s enticing calls, far off and in different directions. We even had an exciting and agonizing few minutes of watching one come on, seemingly eager for a hot date with our hen decoy as he plumped his feathers and strutted a zig-zag path toward our hiding spot. But he hung up about 50 or so yards out. I tensed it out for many more minutes, gun still at the ready, thinking he might circle back around after he had disappeared. But he was gone, for good.

And that wasn’t the first time a prize gobbler had given me false hope. Over the years, some have crossed fields towards me, only to change their pea-sized mind at the last moment and veer off. Others weren’t at all enticed by my decoys, not with a harem already in tow. I’ve even passed on Jakes before, thinking a bigger, better bird would show up at any minute. And of course, they never did.

Yes, hunting is about the experience. It’s not about trophies, or bragging rights. But then again, there’s nothing zen about an empty cooking pot.

Anyway, that’s where Big Jake is headed. My first turkey. And he’s going to be delicious.

 

 

Carnitas in the Crosshairs

•January 19, 2014 • 7 Comments
Hoss Hog Ranch covers some good pig terrain in the hills west of Maxwell

Hoss Hog Ranch covers some good pig terrain in the hills west of Maxwell

I was working away on the computer when another new email notice popped up in the upper right corner of my screen. Only glancing at it, since work-related emails ding away all day, it took a second for it to register that it wasn’t from a client. It was from California Waterfowl Association.

Some months before, I had entered the CWA hunt program lottery that gives away waterfowl, dove, turkey, and pig hunts on private lands and at prestigious clubs through a fund-raising program, with the support of local landowners and outfitters. Like most contests I enter, I forgot all about it. Not having a lucky gene, they usually stay that way. But this time, amazingly, the email congratulated me on the fact that one of my four chances, which cost me a whopping four bucks apiece, had borne fruit! Or should I say, pork?

Hoss_hog_sign

To collect my “prize” I needed to head to Hoss Hog Adventures, located in the hills an hour or so north of Sacramento. After a nice winding drive to the ranch Friday afternoon, I joined other CWA member winners. I’ve hunted pigs before, several times, so it was fun to see the first-time excitement in the others, especially the kids. There was a lot of talk of trophy boars, but having already put a toothy beast on my wall – and eaten him – I was there for a meat pig. Period.

Early the next evening, after much up and down hiking of the rolling ranch and pig-scouting by me and my trusty guide, I took up a promising position underneath some oaks just uphill from a water tank. Sure enough, an hour later, squeals, grunts, and moving brush signaled that pigs were making their way there, to enjoy a little drink and mud bath near the tank. Now, pigs are easily distracted, and seem to need to conference a lot with each other on their way to any place. So it was probably another twenty minutes before they covered the 50 yards from where they first ruffled brush down in a dry creek bed to where the first snout poked out close to the tank. Knowing that if this small herd of boisterous young pigs crowded up it would prevent a shot, I quickly put the rifle up and as soon as the leader was all the way out of the brush and in the crosshairs, I fired.

Pig down.

A trophy for the table, not the wall, and the round that brought him down.

A trophy for the table, not the wall, and the round that brought him down.

The perfect pig; young, fat, just slightly bigger and meatier than the other four that stood staring at him a few moments before scuttling back into the brush they’d come from. I kept the rifle on him for some time, watching him through the scope for any sign of movement, just in case. But he was down for good, the .300 WSM 180 grain bullet having done a thorough job. After (what always feels like) an eternity, I got up and walked down to see him up close and claim my prize.

Yes, the perfect pig. His quartered down carcass later registered 61 lbs.at my local butcher, Archer’s. About two weeks later I collected the expertly made chops, roasts, sausage, and other cuts, grabbing a picnic roast from the heavy bag before dropping it in the big freezer. That roast went in the crock pot with herbs and spices, filling the kitchen with the richest, most delicious aroma for 10 hours. And that night, we feasted on pulled pork. As always, and as only hunters know, there was the rich and exotic taste of adventure in every bite.

pulled_pork

Rich and Poor

•January 8, 2014 • 2 Comments

This season has been the kind where I don’t ponder the cost per duck. It’s too depressing. It would be in the hundreds. It would make a dinner of filet mignon and the finest wine at a five star restaurant – twice a week at least – look like the bargain of the century. A rice lease. Training for the dog. Sixty bucks in gas every trip. Time away from work. More equipment. None of it mattered; there just wasn’t ever much on the strap. Is there an emoticon for feeling poor, broke?

On the other hand, there aren’t enough stars in any restaurant’s rating to match the ambiance of a day on the pond. And even bad seasons have their way of making up for it all, with big surprises that more than compensate for all the long, disappointing duck-less days.

I had three such bonuses this year, when riches rose up around me or fell from the sky. One was a pig hunting adventure – won in a CWA drawing – that will be the subject of another post. Two others were hunts with old friends from my waterfowling days by the Salton Sea in Southern California, Craig, and more recently Matt.

The hunt with Craig was short on birds, but long on kindred spirit. We didn’t see or shoot much that day at Delevan, but what we did encounter – which began with the sudden appearance of a small flock of geese and ended seconds later with the big splash of a prized Tule goose – gave me a memory I’ll never forgot. That bar-belly beast waits in my game freezer for a date with the taxidermist.

Matt was with me on my first ever duck hunt many seasons ago. Hunting with him reminds me of that experience, when I waded in water for the first time, saw my first sunrise on a pond, and bagged my first ducks – three green-wing teal. How savory those cut up birds tasted, covered in Panko bread crumbs, deep fried, and dipped in a spicy mango sauce! And how pleased and proud my kids were, eating them; other dads put food on the table, but theirs had killed it himself! Matt will always be connected with that recollection.

I’m not sure whether Matt is my good luck charm, or if I’m his, but on his trips north to hunt together we are two for two. Last season we transformed what looked like a soggy cow pasture and a bottom-of-the-barrel rezzie at Llano Seco into an epic goose and duck slam. This season, with a #15 at Develan, Matt’s legendary mouth calling brought us so many visits from curious snow geese that we didn’t much care that specks were off the menu. Matt and his son Max called a few ducks within range, too. So while Sunday’s results were pretty slim according to the refuge staff, our pond was the exception with a 7 bird average!

Now, before the spot burning watchdogs start barking and the lazy lurkers start spreading the word, know this: The lottery is already overflowing at Delevan. Matt couldn’t get a spot on the refuge on Saturday. And the only reason we did so well was because Matt and Max hauled out a pond-full of snow floaters, full body decoys, shells, Silosocks, and silhouettes – in one of those carts that looks more like a trailer with handles, that serious goose hunters down at the Wister Refuge are known for.

Spread

The morning started off with the usual thunderous volleys in ponds around ours. We got the occasional shot at a passing duck, but it wasn’t until the sun started to light up the decoys that the hunt really started. Of course, most of the dark shapes that winged their way to us turned out to be specks. How quickly those birds get bold, or careless, when they haven’t been shot at for a couple of weeks! They glided over us, so low and slow we could compare and rate the black belly bar patterns, bird by bird in each flock. But then the ones we were ready for started showing up. Large flocks stayed high as they warily flew a circle or two over our spread, until at least one pair of eyes spied us in the sparse stand of tules – or a foam floater overturned by the breeze – and buzzed a warning to the others. Enticed by Matt’s repertoire of snow calls and methods, smaller groups were less lucky. The lowest or closest ones started to fall to our guns. A couple of times we were surprised by stealthy geese. Max got one snow that suddenly appeared floating just over his left shoulder. Another fluttered down into our decoys from the side while we were looking up at others in the sky.

I don’t know what my dog Schatzie expected of the hunt. Another day of snoozing and watching pond birds flit about? What she got was a workout, her small frame struggling to bring those big birds – some still with fight left in them – back to our hiding spot. By the end of the day, she’d retrieved 21 birds, the majority of them geese.

Young Max with his winter "Snow fall"

Young Max with his winter “Snow fall”

It was my favorite kind of hunt. Some guys like being done early with limits. I prefer the ones where just about the time you’re getting bored and the sky seems so empty, something appears, something happens. Suddenly you’re bolt upright, gun ready, calls ringing out, peering out from under a hat brim, trying not to lose sight of them. Maybe the new arrivals want to play, maybe they don’t, but break time is over and you’re back on the job again. Ours was that kind, all day. There will be a few more hunts this season, at my rice lease. But since my only two really memorable ones were on refuges, and not there, the hunt with Matt and Max could be the last really good hunt. But that’s okay. I feel very lucky to have had it.

•December 25, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Zenhunting_xmasMerry Christmas to all, and a wish from Zenhunting that you are with family and friends today. And a very special thank you to readers who’ve made Zenhunting the #13 Alexa-rated hunting blog. Happy Holidays!

I know a girl

•November 24, 2013 • 3 Comments

I know a girl who’s never had a bad hunt. Never been frustrated by the situation or disappointed with the results. Doesn’t complain when the walk is long or curse when others shoot too soon and too high at working flocks. She cherishes every moment on the pond, even when it’s slow or worse. There’s no ‘oh well, it beats working’ kind of rationalization; it’s all the same to her, all great. She’s my dog. And while I have respected, even been in awe of the knowledge and skills of many hunters that I’ve known or simply known of, it’s my dog I want to be like, that I’m still learning from.

A swarm of coots plows noisily across the water, a hawk kiting not far above, catching my attention only briefly. She watches their every move. A sparrow latches onto a stalk of brush, swaying with it, barely noticed by me beyond the surprise of it. The dog is fascinated, and seems to intuit that if she moves more than her eyes it will fly away. Four swans glide low down the check just a few yards over our heads, and I do watch them but the expression on my painted face shows I wish they were geese. The dog gazes at them, enraptured; they are not of lesser value to her. Shots are fired again by the clients of the goose guide across the road, and one bird out of the ten in a high flock falls. I mutter something, which she mistakes for ‘go’ and bolts from her kennel. I call her back but before she tucks her head into the shelter, she looks at me with eyes that say ‘I could’ve got it, it was only two ponds away.’

Around noon the crew surveys the empty sky one last time and decides it’s time to go, home to a beer and sports on TV or chores or family time. We all like hunting together, though so far this season it’s been just hanging out together. And yet I know each of us is packing up and plodding through the water back to the road with thoughts of how much the gas cost to get here, how little sleep we got, what we’ll need to do to better compete with the guide’s 2,000 decoys that have covered his pond and his field in white, and wondering where next year’s tank will be if this one doesn’t improve.

The dog has no such thoughts. Her tail started smacking the sides of her hut as soon as we started organizing our gear. As we trudge back, she dances along the check, diving into the water, then rearing up on hind legs and giving the decoys one last look, on the chance that out there somewhere, hidden among the hundred-some bobbing shapes is a real duck. She races the quad back to the parking lot, glancing back at us with what can only be described as the purest expression of joy. On the hour-and-a-half drive home, my tired brain is scrunched around problems that need solving, actions that need to be taken — work, and hunting, the menu I’m planning for Thanksgiving with Danielle’s family, my Obamacare-cancelled health care plan. The dog is stretched out on the camouflage neoprene backseat, rocked to sleep as we fly down the 99 and breathing deeply. Every now and then I catch the soft ruff or yip she makes when she’s dreaming. Of coots. Swans and sparrows. Muddy water and all the people she loves.

Schatzie maintains a morning vigil on our pond.

Schatzie maintains a morning vigil on our pond.

Charlie Musselwhite and guitar-man Matt Stubbs

•November 11, 2013 • 2 Comments

Here’s a little something that’ll help pass the time while we wait for the weather to change and the migration to bring new birds down to the North Sac Valley. Because you may be spending time on the pond wondering where the birds are, if you’re in the wrong place or your honey hole is cursed, and generally feeling like a “Stranger in a Strange Land.”

The Third Pond

•November 10, 2013 • 1 Comment

Many duck and goose clubs around the North Sacramento Valley are having trouble getting enough water to flood their rice fields. Allocation issues, lack of rain, the usual problems at the start of the season.

Not us. Our club has plenty of water. South pond is at a good level. Decoys are floating just fine on the North pond, too. But Saturday we discovered our spot has a third pond. Our tank.

Our 4-man tank became a swimmin' hole last week, thanks to a crack in the back wall.

Our 4-man tank became a swimmin’ hole last week, thanks to a crack in the back wall.

We hunted in the weeds on either side of the tank that morning. Not much was flying, so things wouldn’t have turned out much different — just one spoony — had we been able to get inside. Around 11am, the property manager came out and his crew pumped out the water and patched the hole. It’s dry now, and our fingers are crossed that it stays that way. The natural cover around our tank was trampled under by all those rubber boots and activity, so some brushing up is in order before the next hunt.

It was still a good day. The manager promised he’d drop in a new tank next season, and give us a discount on the lease. Had a kick-ass breakfast at Black Bear Diner with the blind mates. And there’s always a sunrise in every hunt, even if there aren’t any ducks or geese dotting the sky.

Like a Cracker Jack prize, every hunt comes with a sunrise inside.

Like a Cracker Jack prize, every hunt comes with a sunrise inside.

Anti-Guns & Ammo

•November 8, 2013 • 3 Comments
My girlfriend Danielle training — because it's smart, not because it's the law.

My girlfriend Danielle training — because it’s smart, not because it’s a law.

Guns & Ammo magazine editor Dick Metcalf penned an editorial in the December issue saying that the Second Amendment, like all constitutional rights, needs to be regulated, and that regulation doesn’t equal infringement.

Yes it does Dick, when that “regulation” is up to a legislature such as we have now, and worse ones we’re likely to have in the future. Dick may have been talking about requiring training and preparation for those who want to ‘keep and bear arms.’ But if he thinks that far more onerous regulations won’t sneak through that open door  — such as exorbitant ownership fees and rationed permits that only the rich and well connected can afford and get — he’s short-sighted and a fool.

So now Dick is out of job. And the more senior editor who approved Dick’s piece, Jim Bequette, is asking for forgiveness. But in this case, mea culpa translates into “please keep buying our magazine” and “please don’t cancel your advertising.”

Jim, the truly sorry fall on their swords, or at least resign. All others ask for forgiveness. It’s why Weiner and Spitzer still run for office. And why the president can blithely lie about keeping your health care plan (mine’s been cancelled, by the way) and just as casually now disavow those former, oft-recorded statements. It’s because they don’t regret anything they’ve said or done. Only that they got caught or called on it. Same with you, Jim. You’re just concerned about your own future and the publication’s bottom line, not about the future of the Second Amendment.

[UPDATE: Jim Bequette has also resigned. Somehow, I think he and Dick Metcalf will be back when the smoke clears. We’ll see if the gun crowd has a longer memory than the average constituent.]

The Brady Campaign and other anti-gun organizations like Dick’s editorial and G&A for publishing it. They applaud the introduction of some ‘common sense’ in the debate, and chatter amongst themselves why there isn’t more of it in the pro-gun world.

There’s plenty of common sense — and restraint, and conscientiousness — among America’s legal gun owners. What they really mean is, why won’t we just give up our silly fascination with guns? It’s because we don’t feel something we may need someday to defend our loved ones or ourselves is silly. Soy lattes are silly. Listening to Al Gore (as he warms the globe with the exhaust from his private jet) is silly. But not guns. And we can’t give an inch when faced with anti-gun forces that will use even a bombing in Boston (a bomb, not a gun, mind you) to call for more gun control. There is no ‘common sense’ in the irrational fear, distorted facts, utter denial of statistics, and emotional blather that make up every anti-gun argument I’ve ever heard.

Would I like to see better-trained gun-owners and users? Sure. Would I like to see it a legal requirement? No. No, because of what would come next. Would I prefer that no one with a mental disorder be allowed to own a gun? Absolutely. But that law already exists. So regulation isn’t the problem. Obviously, enforcement is.

Just think of the lives that would’ve been saved if it had been for these individuals:

James Egan Holmes (Aurora)— seeing a psychiatrist

Seung-Hui Cho (Virginia Tech)— known mental disorders since childhood

Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook)— mother intended to have him institutionalized

Nidal Hassan (Ft. Hood)— paranoid delusions

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (Columbine)— a clinical psychopath, and a depressive

And then there are the gangs. When the Center for Disease Control says gang homicides account for 80% of gun murders, one has to wonder why anti-gun groups aren’t lobbying hard for mandatory life sentences for gang members caught with a gun. Now that would be some effective gun control.

The trouble with common sense is that it means dealing in real problems and real solutions. So I will be the first to credit the anti-gun groups with having some common sense when they stop worrying about my guns, or those of the average American. We may be the easier target, but we’re not the right one — if controlling gun violence is their real objective.

The Wind and the Lyin’

•November 4, 2013 • Leave a Comment

If I were a hillbilly…

…and thus entitled to add phrases to the hillbilly lexicon, I would add one about the wind we so crave for waterfowl hunting.

Hillbilly lingo is so much richer than how the rest of us say things. We say “it’s cold” when we’re getting into bed and pulling up the down comforter. They get into bed, shiver, and remark that it’s a three dog night. And then they’re joined by three warm hounds that are happy to oblige.

Nothing is known about how hounds number five, six, seven and eight feel about this eloquently descriptive but rather limited phrase. My dog would love to hear it’s a one dog night. But she’s not allowed on the bed.

So you see, I find statements such as it was “really windy” or “blowing pretty hard” or “gusting up to xx mph” very unsatisfying. We need something better.

Something like it was “flockin’ flippin'” out there today! Or maybe “flappin’ dog ear” windy. I’m open to suggestions.

Because we should be pretty damn thankful for a good wind. Not just for getting the ducks and geese all worked up, but for providing an excuse for missed shots. It’s hard enough to feel the right lead when a duck zooms past in still air.  But it’s a scientific fact that if there’s anything stronger than a 15mph wind in the mix, your ego is unaffected by the miss. Anything above 20mph, even your blind mates will nod understandingly and sympathize. Of course, when you’re alone, the wind speed is whatever you want it be.

The wind is why I missed an easy shot at a Wigeon this Sunday. God only knows where my pellets went, but they sure didn’t go where that hen was. I don’t feel bad about it, It was flappin’ dog ear windy that day. And I’m not lying. See for yourself.

You Never Forget Your First

•November 4, 2013 • Leave a Comment

It’s too early to tell what kind of season it will be, but no matter what happens I doubt I’ll forget this, my first rice lease. Not a perfect location, not as much water as I’d like. But for this year, it belongs to me and my partners. No hoping for a draw, no checking in two-and-a-half-hours before shoot time , no sweat-lining, no getting your birds poached in free-roam. No ifs. It’s ours.

A sweeping view of our blind's north pond.

A sweeping view of our blind’s north pond.

Got out there late this Sunday, my first time hunting it, so missed the morning flight. As the sun crested, the sky was visited frequently by large flocks of geese, but few ducks, all high.

Early on, a flight of Wigeon swept up behind me and was gone too soon for a shot; one of the downsides of hunting alone, so often being off by those crucial few degrees and neck aching from a day of trying to cover all 360.

Heard other blinds on the property fire on a few rare flocks of dark shapes, saw a few fall. A guide was set up in force for snows just off the property, and his clients banged away freely, usually just when it looked like other geese might be headed my way. That part smacked of refuge hunting; the excitement that a couple of birds finally want to work your pond and BOOM BOOM, shots from somewhere else at something else ruin it. On my second lease, I think I’ll make sure there’s not a guide next door.

A small group of specks finally coasted up the center of our blind’s north pond. I took two shots at the one closest, crumpling it. The dog had her nose pointing toward the south pond, which wasn’t a problem; the powerful wind pushed that dead bird over my head and hers and halfway into that one. Other flights of specks stayed high, or had already learned that crossing checks can be fatal.

Just when it seemed like time to pack it up, a lone snow squawked nearby. I peered over the dog’s tent and there it was, practically suspended against the wind, a juvie blue that hadn’t yet been taught to fear a cleared section of check. I fired once, and again the wind carried the folded bird 70 yards down the line of brush between ponds.

By noon I was back at the truck, sharing some left over fried chicken with Schatzie, then on toward home. It would have been a good hunt anywhere, a speck and a blue on the strap, but that it was my first hunt on our lease made it one I won’t forget.